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Time for a Traverso Update

3950 days ago · from the mouth of Bryan

Ok yes I know I haven’t been on goofyguys in a while, so it’s time I started checking back in. Tyler, congratulations on your new little testicled warrior. I thought I’d give a Bryan update for yall former Durham hicks. I was working (for about 5 months ago this February) for a company called Mortgage Lenders Network as a loan analyst. Good company, great benefits, etc. Then someone, let’s call him “jerkoff”, decided to fund mortgage loans at .5% under the legal minumum (to make a long story John – have you seen his sister on myspace? She apologized for not taking my virginity -) which ended up costing the company over 150 million in the end and fucked all the employees over. The good news is that I quit before they could spread my asschecks and insert their big harry corrupt crab covered, corporate cock in my ass. I quit because luck had it, at this time, I FINALLY will be at a job that I will absolutely love. I am going to be a travel agent for Liberty Travel. One of my great friends here in CT, Ann, is going to be my boss. Definately can’t wait. She approved my first business trip w/ her boss before I’ve even gone through the job processing yet! (I have to wait for the open house, so I’ve had a little time off). My first place will be to The Atlantis. I’m going to be there for 3 days and I only have to do 4 hours of “real” work while I’m there! So from now on, call me on those plane tickets niggaz! (sorry it’s black history month – I should call Clovis) Hope everything is well with everyone, and I hope to give you all a chilli dog real soon.
~The Brown Martian

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Attention Tool Fans

4353 days ago · from the mouth of Bryan

Hello everyone. Haven’t posted in a while and I thought I would mention this to yall honkies. Since Jim and Andy haven’t fallen on the band wagon of myspace yet, I now am encouraging it. One of my “top 8” friends, Da Vestes, is the artist who is doing various artistic stuff for my business, etc. Now, one of his top 8 friends is the artist that does the artwork for tool live shows, vidoes, etc. So just thougth I’d encourage you to check his stuff out. Oh and Jim, Andy, get a myspace accoutn bitches!

Love,

The brown martian Comment [3]
 

The time to Anti Up Bitches is soon upon thee!

4547 days ago · from the mouth of Bryan

Ok Ok Ok, I FINALLY am able to post again. I guess for some odd reason through Mozilla my IP wasn’t liked at goofyguys, so Im back. Anyways, this post is more addressed to Ty and The pirate. CONTEST DUE DATE: August 1st. Lets see how much you 2 ladies have improved. Now, Ty and Jim have done their explaination of the sunrise/sunshine diets, which is great I’m not totally knocking them, but let me give my suggestions that I got from some of the guys at the gym that are….well JACKED! 3 meals a day, BAD. If you can spread your lunch out at work, say eat some of it at 10, 12 and 2, that is fantastic way to reduce the weight. Think of your bodies as machines that you have to constantly feed “coal” to, when the coal supply is low, the machine doesn’t work as well. So, in order to keep your machines working to the best of their abilities, feed it constantly. Let me give you an example of my eating routine. In the morning, my breakfast has been reduced to tea, oj, and health shake w/ wheat toast on occasoin (try to stay away from starches and white bread. Wheat bread is ok) Health shake contents:

  • GNC 100% (Vanilla) Whey protien, 1 + 1/2 scoops (your body can only cycle 30grams of protien at “one time” 1 scoop = 20grams)
  • 1 bananna
  • when in season, strawberries, blueberries
  • 1 teaspoon of wheat grass
  • flax seed
  • 2 cups of SKIM MILK (Ok, so you can’t do skim milk yet. what you do is reduce it to that. If you drink 2%, next time drink 1.5%, and so on until you can do skim)

Little tricks like this make your “diet” more of your daily eating ritual.

LUNCH

tuna out of a can, YUMMY! (At first this was absolutely terrible, I couldn’t stand it. Experiment with spices, I use lots of black pepper and alittle bit of adobo, and it works fine. I started out with the big cans, and now I’m down to 1 small one. To keep yourself from going insane, “chase” the taste with a yogurt. Do this every other day, at least the first week. Also your mentality of dieting is different at the end of the week then at the begining. For example Monday you would do the tuna, and by friday you would be having taco bell {just an example I hope you dont eat that shit} For me, by Wednesday I can’t take it, and on Friday Im ok to tuna. What I do is tuna on Monday, and then I pick up a whole chicken either from S&S, or a pound of chicken breast and just eat that [not boston market} And for your 10 and 2 meals, cut up a cucumber, eat some carrots, an apple, etc. Just spread your meals out. You also wont have that “Im sleepy” feeling after lunch when you do this too. Dinner, don’t eat past 7. When you get to Friday and the weekend, cheat. Eat what you want, in moderation. After the first 2 weeks of dieting like this, you’ll notice that your eat whatever you want mentality will redue itself without extra effort, the stomach will not like all that greese. Plus you can get drunk for cheaper! The first week do this: Shake first day, and every other day. Do what you do now, every other day. By the second to 3rd week, you should be on shakes alone. And if you have to cheat those first 2 weeks, its ok. Just don’t make cheating the everyday thing.

Now for a workout:

I know how you feel when you get out of work, I just want to get home and crash. I feel the same way, but get to that gym, do something everyday, even if its only for 20 minutes, I’m sure you can take 20 minutes out of your porn downloading to do a workout. What I do is this: In the morning, its hard for me to get up, so I wake up to STATIC X and SLIPKNOT. I do 300 + crunches/day. This may seem like alot, but it isn’t. Let me break it down for you: When I get up, 100 crunches, 50 top/50 bottom, takes me about 3 minutes. When I get home from work, 50/50, before bed, 50/50. Thats it, and it doesn’t take up to much of my time, infact when I get home and have that “I want to crash” feeling, I do the 50/50, and I’m awake again. It make a HUGE difference when you do this. Hit those weights when you can, it will make it easier, trust me. If you dont know what to do with them, pick up a muscle&fitness magazine, and just look through it they have meals, workout tips, etc. Or if you want to go all out get “The New Encyclopedia of Modern Bodybuilding, Arnold Schwarzenegger – That will definately keep you busy. For aerobics, fuck the tredmill, climb a mountain fast, do laps in a pool, join martial arts, etc.)

Ok thats my schpeel, happy hurting! “A beautiful body, is a gift to yourself” – Nelly (Sorry I think thats’ the only intelligent thing I’ve ever heard from him)

Good luck guys, and keep me posted on your progress

Comment [10]
 

I'm here to help

4547 days ago · from the mouth of Bryan

With all of this talk about Beer for every other post, I thought this website might help you guys out

http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/

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*fart*

4578 days ago · from the mouth of Bryan

....ahhhh now I’m relieved

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Something to piss off you liberals

4582 days ago · from the mouth of Bryan I thought the snazzy title would get you reading further since apparently I’m the stupid one in the group. Since we all give our little nudges here and there with politics (and since I’m outnumbered – and John), Here is a cut and pasted copy of an article written by a Democrat that I thought I would share with my fellow goofy liberals/guys. Finally a realisitc view from a Democrat. Now there’s something you don’t hear everyday.

10 reasons not to kill Bush

By Jennifer McBride

Oregon Daily Emerald (U. Oregon)
05/25/2005

(U-WIRE) EUGENE, Ore.—Recently in Georgia, the president gave a speech only to have someone chuck a hand grenade at him. Lucky for all, the blast cap did not explode. Though originally thought to be a dud, the FBI later revealed the weapon was far from safe.

I can’t possibly guess the assassin’s reasoning, but I’ve heard enough people on campus proclaiming their hatred of George W. Bush to know that some wouldn’t have shed many tears. And that’s a shame.

If the assassin were looking for a way to hurt America, blowing up the president would be a good idea. Bush’s martyrdom would put the last nail in the coffin of the liberal agenda. So, for those Bush-haters out there, here are 10 reasons you should stop praying for an assassinated G.W.B.:

1) Killing the president immediately generates sympathy for his cause. If the president died tomorrow, there would be no question that all of his nominees for the judicial branch would make it through the Senate.

2) A dead President Bush leaves a live Dick Cheney in charge. Need I say more?

3) The Pakistani political situation is drastically fragile. Should President Bush die, Musharraf’s brutal, mostly secular dictatorship probably will be replaced by a brutal, religiously fundamental dictatorship, reducing the United States’ chances of bringing in Osama bin Laden to nil.

4) Any criticisms of the administration will be regarded as more unpatriotic than ever. In the next election, you could expect to see Democratic primary candidates proclaiming that their Republican counterparts aren’t “fit to follow in President Bush’s footsteps.”

5) Killing President Bush could spur another spate of international invasions, with or without U.N. approval. The U.S. military cannot deal with invading another country without further hollowing our ability to defend ourselves and respond to threats from other countries, such as a nuclear North Korea.

6) The news cycle would be justly co-opted. With the media so focused on one story, there wouldn’t be time to examine important issues such as the government suppression in Uzbekistan or Egyptian election tampering. In fact, all foreign news that didn’t directly affect the assassination would probably grind to a halt.

7) President Bush’s status as a martyr would leave the electorate more polarized than ever, especially if liberals were seen as publicly irreverent to President Bush’s memory. It would be a little different if natural selection decreed death-by-snacking, but toasting an assassin’s success leaves a decidedly bitter taste in the national mouth.

8) Jeb Bush’s popularity would skyrocket. He would undoubtedly win the Republican nomination and then the election in 2008. With the Supreme Court full of near-zombies, I would prefer a different man to pick the people who are going to strangle us with laws.

9) Killing George Bush won’t end any of the policies people disagree with. An assassination would merely strengthen our resolve to stay the course in Iraq, keep troops in Saudi Arabia, support our Israeli allies, etc. Policies don’t die just because the president does.

10) Slaying President Bush is simply immoral. Anyone who advocates purposefully killing someone defenseless (and a democratically elected leader, no less) is clearly value-challenged. I don’t understand the logical contortions some people must go through to be anti-death penalty yet pro-assassination.

In all seriousness, I don’t hate President Bush. I dislike a lot of his administration’s choices, but I think he’s a good man doing a difficult job. As a leader, you’re always going to be hated. I am too often shocked by the vitriolic repulsion many people feel for our leader and America in general, especially because the loathing is often poorly informed. I’ve met people on this campus who see America as the worst human rights abuser in the world (unlike the angelic paradise of Cambodia) and people who sway liberal not because they actually know anything about issues but because it’s popular.

Liberalism has to be more than a college fad or a collection of loudmouths whose idiotic comments stir headlines. The rabid dislike some people feel for a man they’ve never even met makes me ashamed to be a Democrat.

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The great randomness of the goofyguys

4658 days ago · from the mouth of Bryan

RainMediaCEO: We need to do something about Spamalot
PickledP: yes!
PickledP: first task: pick a date
PickledP: 2nd task: buy tickets
PickledP: 3rd task: anal sex
PickledP: wait, did I just type that out loud?
RainMediaCEO: yes you did, BUTT SEX
PickledP: crap
RainMediaCEO: BUTT SEX
RainMediaCEO: SHANKER

PickledP: ok I get it
RainMediaCEO: BUTT SEX

PickledP: you want butt sex
PickledP: with a goat
RainMediaCEO: from you and Ty
RainMediaCEO: and his goat
PickledP: Ty does a good goat impression
RainMediaCEO: The bell really makes it
PickledP: and the milk
RainMediaCEO: and the extra hair he shaves off of Jordan and puts in the milk drink for its “texture”
PickledP: mm – mm – good!

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M iShuffle with Andy

4665 days ago · from the mouth of Bryan

Hello everyone, I recently picked up alittle toy that I think all of you would enjoy. I researched it abit, and took into consideration both sides about the product (i.e. Andy’s view) and I have to say that for what I’m using my ipod Shuffle for, I absolutely love this little toy. Granted it doesn’t have a viewing screen, text messaging option, ball washer and pubic hair clipper with kung fu grip, but I feel for the use of meditation, aerobics and lifting (when I can actaully do it again) its perfect. If you are using more then 120 songs when you workout, you are overdoing it. I fit all of my meditation, lifting, and running music on this thing and I still have room for more (even though I can’t lift yet!!!!!!!) One big plus is the cost. $99 + $29 for the arm band. Now for a general mp3 player, it’s going to run you about the same + the SD card. Or, a “sports” walkman, will easily run you more. That’s why I love my toy. YOu can charge it through your USB port, load up the songs, and then shove it up your ass, and it only feels like Jim’s tiny little speck of a penis is in my ass. Sometimes I get my iPod Shuffle and Jim’s penis confussed, but then I remembered how much bigger the iPod Shuffle is. (I love you Jim)

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Request for an AIDS extension

4677 days ago · from the mouth of Bryan

Well I hope everyones week was less painful then mine. On Tuesday night, I had the utmost pleasure of having to have my appendix taken out. Needless to say, that morning I wined and complained like a liberal (sorry it’s the perks talking), from 6 am to about 6 pm when they finally came back with the test results just to TELL me I had appendisitis. At 10pm I went in for the surgery, I came out an hour later while my father asked “how did the sex change go?” and that was it. I have now returned home on Thursday after 2 days of nurses and perks. The weird thing about the hospital is that when I first went in screaming like I was “coming down” from a drug overdose, the nurses were cute, yet as my time progressed, the nurses got older and older. I wonder if that is a trick the hospitals use to make us want to get out of there? Anyways, the reason for my request is because I cant do ANY kind of workout routine for 6 weeks. In 4 weeks I can do “lite” swimming and thats about it, nothing more then 30 pounds lifting, which means I’m going to have a real hard time taking a piss. So lets make June first the date that we take the 2nd pictures, if that is ok with Jim and TyTy. P.S. Perks are GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREAT! (As you can tell I’m tying on they woo hoo!) (yeah!) (yeah!)

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a reminder to Tyler and Jim to get AIDS

4731 days ago · from the mouth of Bryan Hey everyone happy frigin new year. I hope you had as much fun getting drunk and making out with random people as I did :P. Anyways January begins our little contest. Now remeber, we can post routines, suggestions, dietary tips, etc. periodically online. Remeber to take those first degrading pictures. Save the pix until February for the before and after shots, and then post them. Don’t post the pix now, unless you feel it will help.

Health Shake

*GNC Pro Performance Whey Protein (2 scoops) vanilla

*1 banana

*strawberries (seasonal)

*flax seed

*wheat grass

*2 cups of skim milk

*peanut butter

  • “splash” of soy milk

After this first week, I’ll post my workout routine for an example. I haven’t completely figured out the routine for myself. Happy sweating. Oh, if you guys don’t like the tredmill, just plan an hour plus of hardcore intense sex, that usually does the trick for the aerobics too, but do it after you lift weights, especiallly your legs!

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